Alexis' Secret
by Gabee
Summary: Alexis has a secret. Explores the relationship Kate/Alexis, but also Rick/Alexis and Rick/Kate.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Castle…**

**Spoilers: This takes place during season 4. Possible spoilers for every episode aired until An Embarrassment of Bitches. **

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><p>The bullpen was buzzing with the detectives' standard comings and goings, the hum of conversations and the scratching of pens on paper forms when detective Beckett, in the middle of their victim's financial report, saw her phone light up with an incoming call.<p>

'Alexis Castle' said the caller id.

Kate furrowed her brow as she reached for the phone.

"Alexis?"

The hesitant voice of the girl answered her.

"Hi detective Beckett, is my father near you?"

"Huh, yeah, he's making coffee," she said looking at him through the break room's glass. She started to get up, "I can get him if you want. Doesn't he have his phone on him?"

"No, no! Uh, I mean- I- I wanted to talk to you without him overhearing, if- if that's okay?"

Kate slowly sat back in her chair.

"Yeah, sure, Alexis… Is there a problem?"

The girl sighed over the line. Then, she seemed to gather herself and started to speak.

"Are- are you free? After work I mean? I- I'd like to talk to you about something."

Kate was getting worried. Castle had been whining all week about how Alexis had seemed distressed and distant lately and how she wouldn't talk to him. She had reassured him saying his daughter was responsible and very much her daddy's girl and that whatever she was going through she would tell him eventually. She still believed what she said to him, but if the girl was coming to her first, it probably wasn't a good sign.

"Um yeah, of course. I don't know exactly when I'll be able to get out but if nothing special comes up, I should be able to make it by seven, seven-thirty. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, that would be perfect." She sounded a little bit relieved now.

"Where would you like to meet? I know a nice coffee shop not far from the precinct if you want-"

"Actually, detective Beckett, I'd rather go somewhere quiet- preferably not public- please? I just- I'd feel more comfortable if-"

Kate cut in. "We can go to my place if you want."

Alexis let out a long breath. "Yes. Yes, thank you."

Beckett saw that Castle was about to come out of the break room with their coffee. She went to her feet and swiftly made her way toward the restroom where their discussion could stay private.

"Alexis," she hesitated for a moment "Are you okay? I mean, if it's urgent, I can go and meet you now."

"No, no, it's okay, thank you but it can wait until tonight, don't worry."

_Well it's a bit late for that,_ she thought.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Okay. Well, I'll text you my address now. And I'll call you if I'm running late, all right?"

"Perfect. Thank you detective Beckett, I know you're busy and I can't tell you how much this means-"

"It's okay Alexis, I'm glad to be able to help when I can." She paused. "But Alexis? Can I tell your dad?"

There was silence on the line.

"I mean, I don't want him to worry when he comes home and you're not there- if he knows you're with me he'll-"

"Yeah, yeah, okay, you're right. Tell him."

"Okay. See you later?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"Bye."

"Bye."

The line disconnected and Kate let out a sigh. She typed her address in a text for Alexis as she walked back to her desk. There was definitely something wrong with the young woman and, whatever it was, she knew tonight's tête-à-tête would keep her wondering all afternoon.

_I'm not telling Castle until I go, or else he'll drive me crazy…_

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><p>It was seven forty-five when she pushed open the door of her building. She had texted Alexis a while back to let her know she'd be a bit late and now, as she stepped into the awaiting elevator, she hoped the girl would take her time to come over. She needed to take a shower, and change… (Hell, she needed a bath, some soup and a good book to read in bed, propped up against a mountain of pillows, but that didn't seem very likely right now).<p>

Just like she had predicted, Castle had harassed her from the moment she'd told him Alexis had called, to the moment she'd shoved him non-so-gently out of the elevator as she left. He'd whined, begged, bargained, threatened, _demanded_ she tell him what was happening with Alexis as soon as she knew and it had taken everything in her not to punch him in the face (hence the shoving away from the elevator so she could ride down in peace).

"_Come _on_, Beckett! You _have_ to tell me. What if it's important? She's my little girl, you can't keep it from me! Please! I'll do anything you want! Anything! Beckett I swear to God- You'll call me right? As soon as you know? Promise me you'll call me!"_

Well, he was worried, and she was worried too, but really, couldn't he trust her with that? Of course if it was serious she would do everything she could to convince Alexis to tell her dad. And if Alexis was coming to speak about something bad that happened to her, or if she was in any kind of danger, Beckett would tell him, or she'd take care of whatever it was herself.

As the doors of the elevator slid open, Kate looked up in surprise at Alexis' form when she rose from her spot, down against the door of her apartment. _Well, there goes my shower…_

"How long have you been here?" she asked.

The girl shrugged one of her shoulders noncommittally.

Kate remembered her sense of etiquette: "I'm sorry," she unlocked her front door, "please come in."

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><p><strong>This seemed like a good place to stop for now. My brain came up with this out of nowhere, and I know the direction I'm going to take but I have no idea of the length or if I'll be able to pull it off. <strong>

**First multichapter **_**ever**_**! Lol. Pardon my mistakes, English isn't my first language. **

**Please review, it's good for the soul… **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. I do own the typos though…**

**Spoilers: Possible spoilers for season 4 so far (I watched Blue Butterfly earlier… it was **_**awesome**_**!)**

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><p>Alexis was nervous. Since she'd called detective Beckett this afternoon she'd been alternatively regretting it and telling herself she'd done the right thing. When she'd finished her shift at the library, she had finally reasoned that Kate was a wise woman, an <em>objective<em> woman, and that if someone was going to shed some light over her… situation, the detective was the only one in her entourage she trusted to be truthful without being hurtful. Frankly, she had no one else to talk to about this; she was afraid of her friends' reaction (besides, seeing how they had been acting since she'd been rejected from Stanford, she wasn't so sure she could call them friends anymore); she wasn't that close to her mother (and Meredith would be the _last_ person she'd go to for a piece of advice); her dad… well her dad was a man, it wasn't the same; and her Gram's was from another generation… she wouldn't be _right_ for Alexis' current crisis.

So she had arrived to Kate's address an hour before their scheduled meeting (way before Kate sent her the text saying she'd be late) and she had paced the corridor, worried her lips, her nails, her hair, even her shirt-sleeves while rehearsing what she would say, trying to imagine Kate's reactions and questions, building a scenario, a scheme of probabilities, and overall cursing her (vivid and genetic) imagination that had her mind going a mile a minute.

She had finally sat down with her back against the door so she wouldn't bolt like she really wanted to; her mind had still been reeling when, at last, the elevator's doors slid open and detective Beckett was here.

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><p>As soon as they were both inside Kate closed the door, shed her coat, took off her shoes, and went to the kitchen throwing a "Want anything?" over her shoulder.<p>

"Hum yeah, water please."

She opened the fridge, grabbed two bottles of water and turned back to Alexis who was still standing awkwardly by the entrance, jacket still on and an apprehensive look in her eyes.

Kate gave her a reassuring smile and led her to the couch. She dropped Alexis' bottle on the coffee table, took a swig from her own and sat.

"Take off your coat Alexis, and tell me what this is all about."

The girl huffed a little breath and sank down on the couch, facing the detective. Her big blue eyes where somewhat lost when they met Kate's and the older woman felt a pang in her chest at the sight.

"I- I don't know how to start… It's so- confusing and- I didn't know who to talk to…"

The detective had a bad feeling.

"Are you pregnant?" She asked bluntly.

The teenager's eyes flew back to her in astonishment and she stuttered "N- no, why?"

Kate let out a relieved breath and chuckled a little "Nothing, I'm glad, I just flashbacked to a friend in high school who'd started a conversation with 'I don't know who to talk to, it's confusing and a little bit terrifying' so, you know…"

The girl somewhat relaxed and giggled "And she was pregnant?"

Kate rolled her eyes and shook her head no "But she thought she was at the time."

Alexis grinned, "Well, no I'm not pregnant, sorry for the scare, it's nothing that… dramatic."

Kate made a show of being relieved before meeting the girl's eyes again "Then spill, Alexis."

Alexis watched the woman in front of her for a long time, took a long breath that expanded her lungs, held it there a little and then released it as she spoke:

"I think I'm in love."

Kate was about to say that she didn't understand when Alexis continued:

"With a girl. I think I'm in love with a girl."

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><p><em>Well, I wasn't expecting that<em>, thought Kate.

She realized the girl was watching anxiously for a reaction so she schooled back her features to mere curiosity, and, fumbling a little with her speech abilities, she was finally able to cautiously ask:

"And- is that a bad thing?"

The young woman dropped her eyes to her lap, fiddling with her shirt-sleeve.

"Yeah… I mean no- not in itself, it's just- I don't know-"

"Are you afraid of how people might react? Of what they'll say? I mean, I know your dad, and I don't think-"

But Alexis got up and started pacing.

"You don't understand! It's not about dad! It's not even about 'people'! It's about me!" She sighed and faced Kate again, "I- I never asked myself those questions! I mean, I've always liked boys! I fell in love with Ashley! Before that there was Owen… We've always talked about guys with my friends, or even with Gram's! Whispering secrets about who we liked or who was a good kisser or- I don't know who I am anymore! I- Am I gay?"

Kate felt her heart ache at the girl's confusion. She looked like a forlorn kid, tears breaming in her eyes, cheeks pink from her outburst. She extended her hand toward her.

"Come on, Alexis. Sit."

The teenager wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and sat back on the sofa. Kate continued in a soft voice:

"I think you're looking at it the wrong way. I don't think you've changed, or that your entire existence until now needs to be questioned. I don't think you should ask yourself the question 'Am I gay?'. What I think is that when we fall in love, we fall in love with a person, not a gender. And of course, gender, build, and looks play a part in what attracts us to someone, but we fall in love with a _whole_, with a _human being_, and that encompasses so much! There's character, personality, intelligence, interests and dislikes, charisma, chemistry… Gender doesn't make a person. You fell in love with a girl? So what? It doesn't mean you're necessarily gay. It means that _right now_, you're in love with a girl, _that_ girl. And you said yourself, you fell in love with a boy before… Well now, it's with a girl. It's not wrong, it's just- different. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

Alexis was now looking at her with clear blue eyes in which the detective could read some relief, and gratefulness, and no small amount of awe.

"Yes- yes, it makes sense. Thank you detective Beckett. You were definitely the right person to go to for this!"

Kate laughed "Well, Alexis, you're welcome, I'm glad I could help; and I think after that, you could call me Kate, don't you agree?"

The girl smiled "Yes, thank you, _Kate_."

At that moment, Kate's phone chirped.

"That's probably your dad wondering where you are."

Alexis sighed. "Yeah, I should probably go home and face the Inquisition…"

"Tell you what," said Kate "what if I text him, saying that you'll stay here for dinner, and then we order whatever you want, and you tell me all about this girl you fell in love with?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, sure! I wouldn't mind the company, and I'm curious about how you met her. Sounds good?"

Alexis beamed and wrapped her arms around Kate's neck.

"Sounds great, Kate." She whispered.

After a surprised moment, Kate hugged the girl back and closed her eyes, wondering why she was the one who felt comforted by the gesture.

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><p><strong>Okay, this one was hard to write and I don't really know what I think about it (it's really lateearly where I am).**

**I know that the content of this chapter might upset or offend some people, and I know that Alexis' character has never shown any kind of inclination towards women, but that's kind of the point I'm making with Kate's speech here. I wanted to explore that possibility.**

**Please, **_**please**_**, tell me what you think (every constructive critic, good or bad, is accepted).**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I didn't transform into Andrew Marlow overnight so this is still not mine. **

**Spoilers: Possible spoilers for every episode aired.**

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><p>It wasn't until they were both seated in front of their little Indian buffet (cheese naan, tandoori chicken, curry chicken, veggie-samosas, mango lassi, halwa and shrikhand) that Beckett broached the subject again.<p>

"So, tell me all about this girl; how did you two meet?"

Alexis beamed, "Well, I don't know if dad told you about my job?"

"At the public library right?"

"Right, so, I was looking for an internship but wasn't finding anything, and dad had donated a lot of money to the mayor for the library so he asked him in passing if there was anything, maybe in his office or something, that I could do. So Bob- I mean the mayor- told him that they needed someone precisely at one of the public library locations, you know, to help people find the books they're looking for, to organize the shelves, and so on… That was a month ago." She took a big breath after her tirade and continued, "So, I'd been working there for, like, two days, when this girl comes in; and she's- I don't know how to explain… She's the kind of girl that comes into a room, and all eyes are drawn to her. And not like the 'pretty-slash-popular-cheerleader type' in high school either, more like- well- more like _you_."

"Me?"

Alexis blushed a little, "Yeah… I mean, you know, someone who commands attention; someone with an air of natural authority to them; someone who looks so focused, and so- _beautiful-_ in that focus, that people have no other choice than to stare in awe…"

Kate was pretty sure she was the one blushing now. The girl had inherited her father's gift (curse?) to embarrass her with a heartfelt compliment.

_You're extraordinary_.

They both cleared their throats and Alexis went on, "So this girl, Olivia, walks in- everyone looking at her-, she sees me, and next thing I know, she comes to me with that little smile and those expressive grey eyes and she asks me where she can find this particular book and-"

She stopped short, pink cheeks and bright eyes, and Kate chuckled.

"And you're charmed."

Alexis gave her a little smile "Yeah… I didn't know better then, but now I realize that I was instantly attracted to her." She slightly frowned, "Honestly, I don't even know why… I mean, she's beautiful and everything, but I have a lot of good looking friends, and I've never been attracted to them."

Kate smiled "Well, those things are mysterious sometimes."

Alexis chuckled, "Yeah, I guess…"

"So, tell me more, I guess you saw each other again after that, didn't you?"

"Oh yeah, she comes to the library approximately twice or three times a week. She's writing a paper for college so she's there as often as she can for research."

"She's in college?"

"Yeah, she's twenty-two. She's in a dual program in social work and child development in NYU."

Kate widened her eyes "Wow."

"I know, right! She is _so_ passionate about it, you should hear her!" Alexis' eyes were so bright that Kate felt a surge of affection for the other passionate girl of the story, "Anyway, so we started talking every day she was there, and calling each other on the days she wasn't; and it's the first time in my life that I meet someone interested in me- I mean, _really_ interested in me, you know? Wanting to know how my childhood was, how it felt like to have a mother like mine, and a father like mine, seeing through me when I pretended not to have been hurt on some occasions, and so on… And I realize that I exchange more with her than I've ever exchanged with anyone before, except my dad. I-" She sighed, not knowing how to pursue.

"She sounds like a great girl… Is that when you realized you were in love with her?"

Alexis let out a breathy chuckle, "Not even! I just thought I admired her or something… I- I- She-" she cleared her throat, "A week ago, she was helping me close the library (I close on Fridays), and we were gathering our stuffs, and she looked at me with that- _look- _and- and- and then she kissed me."

Alexis was so red right then that Kate wanted to laugh at how adorable she looked. The blush had taken over her neck, her ears, her cheeks and nose and forehead, so much so that her freckles and her beautiful blue eyes stood out. "She kissed you?"

"Um yeah… She just- _looked at me_, and stroked my cheek and- and then kissed me."

Kate leaned in and asked inquisitively: "And how was it?" She very much felt like she was eighteen again.

Alexis giggled (she had caught on the mood) "Electric?"

Kate smiled "Well, that's a good sign! Is that when you realized?"

"Yeah. I mean I was shocked at first; but then I took the time to think about it and I understood that I had been falling in love without even realizing it during those few weeks."

"Have you two talked about it since then?"

Alexis sighed "No. She left right after the kiss and then… well I think I avoided her a little this past week to sort through my feelings; and I didn't know what to think and who to talk to and I was confused until today so…" she winced, "I think she realized what I was doing and she gave me some space."

Kate reassured her in a soft voice "It's okay, Alexis, I'm sure she understands it's not easy."

Alexis nodded and they finished their desserts in companionable silence.

"Oh, look at the time! I should probably go home."

Kate checked her father's watch and had to agree "Yeah, it's pretty late. Your father said to use the car service."

The girl rolled her eyes "Yeah I know, I'll call them."

She did while Kate put away the leftovers and started the dishes.

When the girl was ready to leave, she enveloped the detective in a fierce hug "Thank you, Kate! For listening, and not judging, and being awesome! And for dinner!"

Kate laughed at that "You're welcome Alexis. I liked having you here, we should do it again."

Alexis beamed "Sure!"

"Next time I want to hear all about you and Olivia and the talk you're gonna have…"

The teenager giggled "Okay."

Kate smiled "Okay, go. Your father's probably waiting impatiently for you while pretending to do something else, like writing."

Alexis sighed "Yeah…"

"Alexis, what is it? You're gonna tell him right?"

"Yeah, I will… I just- well I'd hoped I wouldn't have to tell him_ tonight_, that's all."

"If you want I'll call him… Tell him to leave you alone for tonight."

The girl looked at her hopefully "You would? I don't want to impose, you've already done so much-"

"Don't be ridiculous, I have to call him anyway."

"Okay, thank you, Kate."

Kate laughed "Stop thanking me, and go!"

Alexis chuckled and breezed out with a "Bye, Kate!"

The detective locked the door and gave an amused sigh before speed dialing Rick Castle.

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><p><strong>Okay, stopping there for now. What do you think? (Sorry for the wait, by the way)<strong>

**I'm addicted to reviews… give me my fix? ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Nope, still nothing on that front.**

**Spoilers: Okay people, we've officially stepped off canon (in light of Alexis' multiple internships in **_**Pandora**_**) so we'll say that there are possible spoilers for all episodes until **_**The Blue Butterfly**_** and that it goes AU from there.**

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><p>"Beckett?"<p>

She smiled and the warmth of that smile transferred to her voice, to the phone, to Rick's ear, and, finally, to his heart "Hey, Castle, your daughter is on her way back to you."

At the sound of that soft voice, he relaxed into the couch cushions at his back.

"Are you gonna tell me what this was all about?"

She gave a soft chuckle "No, I'm not." He sighed. "But she will… eventually. Just- Castle, don't push her, okay? She's had a long day… Can you- Listen, I _promise_ she'll tell you but, could you just- let her come to you? When she's ready?"

He didn't want to. He was tired of waiting for people to be ready. He wanted to _know _already. He wanted to be in the loop and to stop worrying and wondering. He was so _so_ tired of the wait… And, yes, he was probably overreacting because of the parallel between this conversation and his situation with the detective currently on the phone with him. He sighed again. He didn't want to but he would. He would always wait for her, or, well, for Alexis for that matter.

"Okay, I'll wait…" He says begrudgingly. His next words, however, carried some of the deep concern he felt for his little girl, "You'd tell me if it was bad though?"

"Of course I would, Castle. It's not bad. And she'll tell you. Soon." The low harmonics of her voice carrying soft reassurances through the phone line unclenched his heart and sent curling warmth of comfort through his gut.

They breathed in sync for a while.

"You have a great kid. You know that, right?" Her tone was tender and he wanted to see her face.

"Yeah. Yeah, I know…" Then he added mischievously "Did you just get all mushy over my adorable daughter, detective?"

She laughed then. A clear, bright laugh he felt in every nerve of his body. "Well, I wouldn't say '_mushy_', but yeah, I like Alexis…"

He chuckled.

"Hey, Kate, I wanted to say: thank you… I'm glad Alexis can come to you when she has a problem she can't share with us. And I'm sorry, I know I was a pain earlier."

"Yeah, well, you were worried, which is why I refrained from punching you in the nose."

He grinned "And my nose thanks you for that too…"

"You're welcome. And, about Alexis, I'm happy she felt comfortable enough to come to me… I was kind of surprised actually, I mean- I don't know, I haven't seen her much since this summer and I- I don't know…" She trailed off.

Rick cleared his throat "Hm, well, you know…" He tried to sound nonchalant.

Apparently, he didn't do 'nonchalant' very well. "Castle? Is there something I should know?"

"No… I mean- obviously everything's all right if she came to you, right?"

"That doesn't reassure me at all. Is Alexis mad at me for something?"

The writer sighed "Listen Kate, that's a question you should ask Alexis. I can't answer it, the same way you can't tell me what you two talked about tonight."

It was Kate's turn to sigh "Well, that sucks."

He chuckled "You got that right… But Kate, she _did_ come to you tonight, so I guess she's over it, whatever it was."

"Yeah, if you say so…"

They stayed like that for a while, basking in the comfortable silence and listening to each other's breathes over the line.

After some time, Rick couldn't refrain from asking the one question that had been nagging at his brain since he knew Alexis wanted to talk to Kate "She's not pregnant, is she?"

And again, Kate surprised him with her startled laugh "No… God no… she's not." she said, panting with the last of her sudden hilarity.

He grinned, partly in relief and partly at the mystery this woman constantly proved to be. "And that is so funny why?" he teased.

She chuckled "It's funny because it's the first thing I asked her."

He laughed at that "It's like we could be partners! Well, you know what they say, 'great minds…'"

He felt her grin in her next sentence "'… disregard completely what a reasonable girl Alexis is and embarrass themselves with stupid conjectures?'"

He snorted "Yeah, you're probably right… Oh, I hear the elevator coming up, I think Alexis' coming!"

"Okay, Castle, I'll let you go. 'Night."

"'Night, Kate."

"And _leave her alone_! At least for tonight!"

He chuckled "Yeah, yeah, I get it… And, Kate, thanks."

"Always." He heard before the line went dead.

And Richard Castle waited for his daughter to come home with a contented smile on his face and a warm feeling inside his chest.

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><p>The following morning saw Kate leaning on the side of her desk, pensively looking at the murder board and swinging a pen between two fingers. <em>Up<em>… _And down_. _Up_… This case was going nowhere. _And down_. Castle had dubbed it 'the-most-frustrating-case-_ever_' after just two days and now, a week later, everyone on the case had to agree with him. _Up_. It had seemed pretty straightforward at first. Dead guy in a blind alley. _Down_. Said guy had a rap sheet long like the arm. _Up_. They started to search for people in his life who would have had motives to kill him. _Down_. And they found _fourteen_ suspects. _Up_. _Fourteen_. Every one of them with a motive and an alibi. _Down_. In fact, most of them were providing alibis to each other and the detectives were trying to untangle the truth from the web of lies. _Up_. Also, there were lawyers _everywhere_.

Beckett's phone buzzed near her hip and she startled. The pen tumbled on the floor.

It was a text from Castle: 'Alexis seems to want to talk this morning. I'll come by later.'

She smiled, picked up her pen, dropped it on her desk and sat in her chair while composing her answer 'Take your time, your kid is more important.'

She thought about Alexis' revelation the night before and how the girl had been anxious to see her reaction and she hoped Castle would be able to school his features when the girl told him. She hesitated for a minute and sent another text: 'Don't screw up.'

He didn't answer and she didn't expect him to. He was probably already occupied with his daughter.

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><p>She was engrossed in the suspects' phone records when the smell of fresh coffee made her raise her head. Richard Castle was standing in front of her desk, a Starbuck's cup extended toward her and a mocking twinkle in his eyes.<p>

"'_Don't screw up_'? _Really?_ I shouldn't even give you the coffee for your lack of faith in me."

Kate snatched the coffee before it was out of her reach and took a grateful sip. "Sorry?" she said somewhat sheepishly.

He just grinned and sat in his chair.

She eyed him curiously. "So… I guess it went well?"

"Of course, it went well! Don't you _know_ me?" Then, his grin went big, "My little girl has a crush on you!"

Kate almost spit her mouthful of coffee, "What?"

He laughed "Oh, come on! Don't tell me you didn't notice the similarities between you and that Olivia!"

At her doe-eyed look, he added "Really? A young woman, beautiful, kind, smart, whose sole presence draws attention, passionate about her work… and none of that rang a bell?"

Kate blushed "Alexis doesn't have a crush on me."

He smiled cheekily "If you say so…"

She cleared her throat "So… Did you expect that?"

His eyes widened "Not at all! I was shocked for a while, completely at a loss for words!"

"Well that's a first…" the detective mumbled.

"I heard that. But then she told me the story, and what you said to her last night about being in love with a human being and not a gender- I'm impressed by the way- and I said to her that she should invite Olivia over for dinner, you know, when everything is sorted out for them, and she agreed on the condition that you're invited too. So here, I invite you to dinner someday soon with my girl and her girlfriend."

Kate sniffed "I don't know, Castle. I think I'm offended that you're so _impressed_ by the fact that I could come up with an articulate little speech for your daughter and her situation."

He raised an eyebrow at her "Well, _I_ think I'm offended that you thought I'd 'screw up' and wouldn't be able to handle the situation; so I guess that makes us even…"

She grinned "Oh, okay, we're even. Tell me when the dinner is and I'll come."

Castle beamed at her "Great!" Then he turned to the murder board, "So, has anything moved on the-most-frustrating-case-_ever _while I wasn't here?"

The detective sighed and they were back to business.

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><p><strong>Again, sorry for the wait, I felt a bit lazy this week. <strong>

**Also, this is not beta-ed and all the mistakes are mine.**

**Now, what did you think?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: What do you think?**

**Spoilers: Possible spoilers for all episodes aired until **_**The Blue Butterfly**_** and AU from there.**

**A/N: Okay, this is an angsty one! You've been warned.**

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><p>Kate Beckett was seated across an animated Alexis Castle at Remy's, during her lunch hour, a week after their conversation at the apartment. The girl looked happy, elated even. Telling her all about her talk with Olivia, and how they had decided to see each other but to take it slow, to test the water and see how it went.<p>

The detective was glad they had sorted things out and she told the girl so; but she couldn't help being bothered by the thought that Alexis might be mad at her for something – or _had been_ at some point (she didn't look all that mad at the moment).

She waited for a lull in the exited teenager's rambling speech and asked tentatively "Alexis?"

The girl looked at her, all dimpled smile and bright blue eyes, "Yeah?"

"Did I- did I _do_ something?"

Alexis frowned "I don't understand…"

Kate sighed, "I mean- I don't know… I'm glad that you came to me, you know? I'm glad that I could help you with this, but- I was kinda surprised I guess, we- we haven't spoken a lot these last few months and- I was wondering if, maybe, I had done something that upset you…?"

A shadow went over Alexis' eyes and she wasn't smiling anymore; she lowered her gaze to the table and started fidgeting with the label of her Coke.

"Alexis? You can tell me anything, you know? What did I do?"

The teenager seemed to gather herself, "I- It's not you, really," she raised one shoulder, "I- I was selfish, I guess."

Kate lowered her head to try and catch the girl's attention, "About what?"

Alexis cocked her head to the side and looked her in the eyes, tears brimming behind her lashes without falling. She took a breath. "You know the last thing Captain Montgomery said to me?"

Kate didn't expect that. She swallowed around the sudden lump in her throat and shook her head.

"It was at the loft, late at night. I was finishing an essay in the kitchen and they were playing poker in the study; you know, dad, him, the mayor and- and- I think it was the commissioner." She sighed, "There was some kind of break in the game and Captain Montgomery came to me, asking if I already knew which college I'd apply to. I talked to him about Stanford because Ashley was going there and he told me that his son had been accepted there on a scholarship but he'd chosen to go to the University of Chicago instead and that he loved it there. We talked some more and then the break was over and he said to me 'You know, kid, you've got the smarts, you've got the looks, you've got a good family that supports you… whatever you put your mind to, I'm sure you'll do great.'"

Kate gave her a little smile, "Sounds just like him…"

Alexis clenched her fists and continued. "That day. At the cemetery. I remember thinking about that and watching his wife and his children as I tried not to cry. I was trying _so hard_ Kate. Mrs. Montgomery was sobbing but dad wasn't, you weren't, detectives Ryan and Esposito weren't, and- I figured that if the people that worked with him every day – his friends – were going to stand still and not shed a tear, I didn't have the right to either. So I looked around trying to think of something else, and it was such a beautiful day, the light was so bright, I remember not being able to decide if the sun was mocking us or if it was paying its homage to the Captain; and then you started speaking.I looked at you and then dad shouted and he tackled you and you were both gone. I was so afraid, Kate. Gram was holding me down and Jim was yelling. I remember watching the podium and _willing_ dad and you to reappear, but you didn't… My- my heart was beating so fast- I kept thinking '_Not dad, please, not dad_'… and finally we could move again and I followed Jim and Dr. Parish and I saw you on the ground and there was blood and- and dad was crying-"

She took a deep breath and wiped a few tears away. Kate ached to reach out and comfort her and say she was sorry that Alexis had to witness that but the girl wasn't finished. "I'd never seen my dad cry before. He never cries in front of me… And then there is the ambulance, and Dr. Parish and dad go with you and we follow with Gram and your dad and he's saying over and over again 'Not again, please God, not again'. I was terrified Kate. Terrified for you, and for what it would do to dad if you died, and- because I'd thought for a moment that the bullet had hit _him_." She choked on a sob and frowned angrily "And then Dr. Davidson comes in and he- he _pushes_ dad- and he says it's _dad's fault_ that you were shot, because _he's_ the one that reopened your mom's case, and- and Kate, I see dad _believing_ him- I- I mean, he didn't even defend himself. He just- _accepted_ it."

And she was looking at her with such desperation that Kate couldn't breathe. "And then we waited – _so long_ – and dad looked _so guilty_ I couldn't even hold his gaze; and then they told us you'd be okay, and we were all relieved, and dad was so happy; and he went to see you and he came back, said you'd call soon… and then you disappeared for three months."

Kate was pretty sure she was hyperventilating. She hadn't thought, all those months ago, she hadn't thought about what her shooting had been like from the others' perspective. She had only thought about herself.

_Retreat, lick your wounds, come back stronger._

Alexis is looking her right in the eye now. She's not crying anymore, she's not even mad. "I didn't have a dad for those three months, Kate. He tried to act normal, but he couldn't. He wasn't sleeping…

At first he just waited for you to call, throwing himself in the case to find your shooter just to _do_ something. And then, with your continued silence, he became more and more desperate. And then he became angry. I tried to talk to him, told him he couldn't keep doing this, that he wasn't a cop, that he was going to get himself killed, that I was afraid for him; and since you weren't calling, I finally made him promise that he wouldn't go back. He _promised _me, Kate, that he was done." She sucked in a breath, "But then you came back and – just like that – he was shadowing you again. He broke his promise and I was so mad at him for that, and so mad at you for doing this to him that- I- I- Kate, I _know_ that it was worse for you. I _know_ that the shooting wasn't your fault, and I _know_ that you're not forcing dad to follow you around but- I was so afraid- I _am_ so afraid for him – he's the only thing I've got – and I'm so afraid for you as well – I- I'm sorry…"

Kate felt like throwing up. She felt physically ill in light of Alexis' confession.

_What have I done to this family?_

There was a nerve straining from her heart to her brow, stretched so tight that she thought it might snap; but it couldn't, and pain radiated in her chest, her throat, her forehead. She had trouble filling her lungs, and her sight was blurred. There was a horrendous metallic taste in her mouth.

She choked. Reached for the teenager across the table, grabbing one of her hands and the side of her face. "Alexis, I'm sorry, I'm _so_ sorry! I had no idea- I'm sorry you had to see me get shot… It's my fault- I- I got sucked into my mother's case again and I dragged your father down with me- I never wanted for him to get hurt. I- I can promise you one thing though: I'll do anything, you hear me, a_nything_ for your father to get home to you. Always. Even if I have to give my own life for him."

But Alexis interrupted, her free hand closing around Kate's wrist at her neck, "You don't understand. He wouldn't come home to me if you died, Kate. He would never be the same. He would never be my dad again. That's what I realized this summer. That's what I'm terrified of. And I feel this- _dread_; that this case is gonna kill you both – one way or another."

They breathed together for a while, a little erratically, unsteady with emotions and too many words, when Kate finally found her voice again. "I- I don't know what to say… I can't leave my mother's murder unsolved- I- I just can't."

Alexis' voice softened "And I'm not asking you to, that would be unfair. And Kate, I- I can't even imagine what you went through when she died. I- I can't even _bear_ the thought of a life without my dad- I can't even bring myself to picture it because it hurts so damn much- but you, I think you're the most courageous person I've ever met- you survived! And what you do every day- bringing closure to others when you can't have it for yourself it's- it's admirable and I'm so proud to know you and that my dad gets to help you-" she sighed, "My fears- my fears are real but now they're more manageable, I can handle them as long as I know that you're both careful and that you watch each other's back."

Seriously, Kate needed to hug the crap out of the girl! But the table was in the way, so she settled for an awkward – but strong – one-armed embrace above the offending piece of furniture.

Alexis giggled "Okay, phew! Nice talk! Now let's talk about something else!"

Kate laughed and stirred the conversation back to Olivia and the budding relationship between the two young women.

When it was time for both of them to go back to work, Alexis squeezed Kate's hand "Hey, Kate, thanks for asking me what was wrong and then letting me rant about it. It was uncomfortable at first but now I'm feeling better about the whole thing."

Kate smiled and squeezed back, "No problem, Lex, I think I needed to hear this as much as you needed to say it."

"Bye Kate. See you soon?"

"Anytime."

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><p><strong>And there it is! Thoughts? (Again, sorry for the eventual mistakes, my English might be weak at times)<strong>

**Also, I'd like to thank all of you who alerted, favorited and reviewed (notably the unsigned reviewers, I can't answer you but the feeling is there), thank you all from the bottom of my heart, you make my days brighter and that's invaluable!**

**Oh, and I promise you'll meet Olivia soon.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Humph!**

**Spoilers: You know the drill; we're pretty much drifting at sea since **_**Blue Butterfly**_

**A/N: As always, thanks for the reviews, alerts, and favorites; also, my apologies for the mistakes, this is unbeta-ed.**

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><p>He called her that night.<p>

She was in bed already – overlarge tee-shirt and soft shorts thrown on instead of pajamas – and had one of his books in her hands. She was currently rereading _Crime and Punishment_ in the original to practice her Russian, but that night she didn't have the focus necessary to squint over Cyrillic alphabet. So she chose one of his. _Storm Fall_. It had been a while since she'd last read a Derrick Storm novel (somehow, she always seemed to drift toward Nikki Heat these days).

When her phone buzzed next to her on the nightstand, she prayed inwardly for it not to be a body. She was on call but tonight she really didn't have the energy. As soon as she saw the caller id though, she smiled.

He was the one who took the picture that was currently flashing on the screen.

He'd realized, not so long ago, that she hadn't associated any pictures with names for the caller id. He'd called her 'boring' in a sing-song voice and had taken her phone hostage for the entire afternoon, taking snapshots of everyone in the building and linking them with their name in her contact-list. She now had some great pictures, especially of Ryan and Esposito who were, respectively, making a perplexed face while talking on the phone for one and shooting a death glare toward the camera for the other.

Gates' was an image of a fence with barbed wires (she had snorted on a mouthful of rice the first time she'd seen it and a few grains had traveled up her nose. Needless to say, she'd been extremely glad it had happened at home, where no one could see her).

She'd been surprised with the picture he'd selected for himself. She'd assumed it would be a snapshot of him with a smug smile or something like that; but no, it was a picture of a Starbucks' cup with a smiley face drawn on the side of it with a sharpie, and the word 'ALWAYS' stretched underneath. Her insides had melted a little bit at the sight ('Aw!' had said Ryan when he'd taken a peek at it over her shoulder. 'Shut it, Honeymilk' had been her answer).

She picked up the phone. "Hey"

"Hey"

His voice was gravelly and rough and comforting.

"What's up?" she asked, one finger stroking the contour of his name on the book's hardcover.

"Alexis told me about today's lunch."

"She did?"

"Yeah… I- I wanted to thank you…"

"O-kay… why?"

He gave a little wry chuckle, "For _caring_, Kate. For caring enough about my daughter to be bothered by the possibility that she _might_ be mad at you and to ask her about it. For trying to fix it. I _know_ it couldn't have been easy for you. I- Just- Thank you."

Oh, this man… Her fingers tightened around his book, "Of course I care, she's your daughter, Rick. And, like I said to her, I think I needed to hear it."

"How so?" his voice was soft. It struck her how intimate this felt, her in bed with his words under her hand and his voice inside her ear. Her spine tingled gently.

She took a breath, "I- I was selfish this summer. I- There was no space left inside of me to think about others and- and her telling me what it was like for her- it helped me realize what I had done to- to her and- to you. And- I know I hurt you back then, and I know you're still mad, I-" she trailed off, closing her eyes at the vulnerability that still surfaced every time she talked about the summer.

"You're right," he said, "I'm still mad." It was a statement. No anger in his tone, just acceptance, as if the feeling was there but didn't really matter anymore. As if he didn't expect her to apologize or to make it up to him. As if he didn't expect anything from her. Her heart clenched.

"I- I'm sorry. I couldn't- this summer I _couldn't_ see anyone- I was too-" she sighed, _raw_, she'd been raw, as if her skin had been removed and her insides pulled out into the light. It had felt so very painful, and her emotions had seemed exposed for everyone to see and she'd been hurting so much that the only thing her strength allowed was to run, and hide, and heal. "I should have called though, I- I didn't know, Rick… I should have called." And apparently, she'd decided somewhere during the conversation that it was okay to call him Rick. Oh, well…

He let out a soft sigh over the line, "It's okay, Kate. I didn't call to make you feel bad; I know it was… _hard_ for you this summer- and yeah, you should have called… but what's done is done, and we're okay now. I'm not exactly _over it_ yet, but I'll probably forgive you soon; somehow I can't seem to hold anything against you for very long… And we're alive. We're both alive. So it's okay."

But she didn't want for things to be just 'okay' between them, she wanted things to be great, wonderful, magnificent… _A little more time_, she thought, _I'm almost ready…_

"Kate?" He asked after a while, "Just- I know your mother's case is important. It _should_ be. It's just… To quote your father: 'your life is worth more than your mother's death'. Please, don't forget that."

Great, now he was going to make her cry. Over the phone. She took a stuttering breath; then decided to reveal a little something more: "I- I'm working on it."

"You are?" he sounded surprised.

"Um, yeah, I… I've been seeing a therapist – a psychotherapist – since this summer and I- I mean, we're working on this. On me healing. On me being able to define myself without my mother's murder… On me being more." _for you_ was implied, she hoped he heard it.

After a few seconds of stunned silence, he blurted out "You're forgiven."

A startled laugh found its way through her lips, "Why?"

"You're trying, Kate. You really are. I- I didn't know for sure until now. I'm not mad at you anymore, you're forgiven."

_I love you_

He didn't say it but she heard it loud and clear.

"Well, I don't know if I deserve it yet, but thanks."

He chuckled, "You're welcome. And don't worry, if you don't deserve it _yet_, I can imagine a few things for you to do to be worthy of my magnanimous forgiveness." He said suggestively.

She laughed and responded in kind, "Well, I don't know, Rick… It's not really _magnanimous_ anymore if you make me _earn it_, is it?"

"Oh, my dear detective, I'm sure I can find a way for you to enjoy the act of remunerating me for something you've already won just as much as me…"

She was absolutely sure he was waggling his eyebrows. "Uh-uh… And what, pray tell, do you have in mind exactly?"

His voice lowered even more, the rumble echoing inside of her as if he was saying very, _very_ dirty things into her ear, "Tomorrow night. A nice home-cooked dinner, some fine wine…" She held her breath in anticipation, "and Alexis will introduce us to Olivia. She's very excited apparently."

Her answering chuckle was a little breathier than she would have liked.

Castle, on the other hand, seemed very pleased with himself when he asked "So, what do you say?"

"Yeah, sure. Do you want me to bring anything?"

"Surprise me!" he said brightly.

She barked another laugh as he hung up.

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><p>He looked absolutely delicious when he opened the door to her that Friday evening. He was wearing fitting jeans and a black sweater that complimented nicely his biceps and the planes of his chest. His hair was a little bit messy and his face was glowing (probably from the heat of the stove).<p>

He beamed at her, "Hey! We match!"

She looked down at herself and yeah, sure enough, she was wearing dark skinny jeans and a black blouse under her cream-colored coat. "Cute." She commented dryly.

He gestured for her to come inside, "You are first, Alexis called: she and Olivia will be here in ten."

He let her put her purse and grocery bag on the ground and helped her out of her coat.

"So… what did you bring me?" he inquired with a nod to the white plastic bag.

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know?" she said, discarding her heels and padding to the kitchen, bag in hand.

The whine came soon enough, "Oh, _come on_, Beckett…"

She carefully laid down the bag on the counter and turned to him mischievously. "Okay…" she let the suspense build for a while; and then: "it's a cake."

"A cake?" He looked like a five year old. "Chocolate?"

"_Duh_"

He walked toward her and cautiously opened the plastic container, as if whatever was inside was going to jump off and bite him on the nose, and then he gasped, "Did you _make _it?"

She rolled her eyes "I thought we already covered the fact that I can cook."

"I know you _can_… I didn't know you _would_."

She grinned, "Well, then I guess I _did_ surprise you…"

His grin matched hers when he said, eyebrow raised. "Don't you always?"

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><p><strong>So, here it is. And again, I'm so, so, so sorry for the wait, I'm currently spending some time with my family and it's hard finding the time to write.<strong>

**As promised, Olivia will be in next chapter.**

**I'm not really satisfied with this chapter. It didn't write itself. Any thoughts?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

******Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one...  
><strong>

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><p>Through the phone she could hear Charlie clinking and clanking stuff in the kitchen while she and Alexis entered the elevator.<p>

"What do I do after the three minutes?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. Alexis giggled.

"You get them out of the water – with a spoon so you don't burn yourself – you put them in eggcups, cut the top off, take your toasts out of the toaster, butter them, cut them into slices – thin, the slices, so you can dip them in the eggs – salt the eggs at your convenience… and then you can eat!"

Silence on the other end, Charlie was processing.

"Do you need instructions for that, too?" she asked mischievously.

Charlie huffed into the phone "Ha-ha. You're hilarious. Now hang up, I have eggs to fry."

Olivia laughed "Okay, okay… But FYI, you're _boiling_ them, not _frying_ them, or it wouldn't be soft-_boiled_ eggs."

Alexis was laughing so hard and trying so much to be silent about it that she was having a hard time breathing.

Charlie snorted "Yeah, yeah. _Goodbye_!"

She softened "Bye Charlie. Try not to burn down the house. Oh, and try to survive the night without your better half, will you? I'd rather not she blame me for your death by boiled eggs!"

He chuckled "See you on Sunday, kid."

They hung up and Alexis looked at Olivia with a grin: "Boiled eggs, uh?"

Olivia rolled her eyes "I love the man, but he's a lost cause…"

Alexis unlocked her door and ushered Olivia inside.

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><p><em>Wow<em>

She didn't say it out loud but it must have showed on her face because she heard a throaty voice chuckle: "Pretty much my reaction the first time I came here…"

"Hey Kate!" said Alexis to the woman who'd spoken.

_So this is Kate Beckett_, Olivia thought, eying her with a cautious smile. The detective was a beautiful woman: tall and slender, with big dark eyes, a delicate nose and a full mouth. Her sharp eyes sparkled with amused curiosity above her defined cheekbones and Olivia immediately decided that she liked her (not much of a surprise since Alexis had voiced how important the woman was to her and the role she'd played in their relationship).

"Dad..." Alexis' exasperated chuckle interrupted her train of thought as her father – the famous Richard Castle – entered the room with a black and pink 'Mr. Mom' apron.

Olivia gave him a bright smile and extended her hand to him, then to Beckett:

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Mr. Castle, detective Beckett… Alexis talks about you all the time!"

Rick Castle's eyes crinkled with his smile.

"I hope it's only good things?"

Olivia's smile got mischievous:

"Well… yeah, sure, all good things about detective Beckett…"

The woman in question barked a laugh while Alexis' eyes widened and Rick Castle's gaze shot to his daughter.

"My own daughter!" he said with a hand dramatically pressed against his heart.

Olivia chuckled, "I was just kidding sir, I promise."

Kate was still laughing: "Oh, Alexis, I like her already!"

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><p>Rick sighed contentedly as he watched the girls around him. They were finishing his famous lasagnas and were chatting animatedly between each other. He liked Olivia. She had a wicked sense of humor and could tell a terrific story. He'd seen Kate and Alexis laugh to tears once or twice during the evening. Of course, she wasn't as good as him; she didn't have as much experience... Besides, he was kind of a master at making his daughter and his partner laugh.<p>

Right then, blue eyes gleaming, Alexis turned to him with a little grin seemingly asking 'Did I choose right, daddy, do you like her?'

He answered by a soft smile of his own 'You did good, pumpkin, she's great.'

The subject of their silent exchange was looking serenely through the window.

"You have a beautiful view from up here," she said in a dreamy voice, "I know I've already said it, Mr. Castle, but I really love your apartment. It's stylish and elegant but looks lived in at the same time. I like the homey feel of it."

"Thank you, we love it too… Except Alexis who tried to paint it pink to make it 'shiny', once…"

Olivia turned to his daughter, "Really?"

Alexis rolled her eyes, "I was seven, and yes, I started to paint it pink on a really small surface with my watercolors… Then, dad went overboard – as usual – and bought a huge tin of pink paint and started to paint half the room with me until I asked him to please paint it back in beige because it looked better with the furniture."

Kate was choking on her wine by the time Alexis stopped speaking.

Rick patted her on the back and said: "That's not how I remember it…"

Olivia was laughing heartily, "Oh man, I should do that! I'd love to see Charlie's face when he'd walk into his pink living room!"

Alexis giggled.

"Who's Charlie?" he inquired.

"Charlie is my foster dad."

Rick's heart sank. Kate sobered beside him.

"Foster?" she asked softly.

Olivia's bright expression morphed into one of surprise. She glanced at Alexis, "You didn't tell them?"

His daughter just shrugged, "Not my story to tell."

Olivia seemed pensive for a moment before nodding resolutely and addressing Kate and him.

"My parents were killed when I was a kid. I was eleven when I entered the system."

He could see Kate from the corner of his eye. She looked at once compassionate and focused, registering facts as if she was interviewing a victim's family member.

"For a couple of years I jumped from one foster home to the next, and they ranged from bad to worse."

Rick wanted to know the unedited version of that story; he craved something else than just the summary. He wanted to know _how_ her parents had died, and what she meant by 'bad' and what she meant by 'worse'. Kate's eyes flickered to his in warning and he knew he was being watched too. He pushed down the overwhelming curiosity, the _need_ to know the whole story, and focused on feeling honored by all the things Olivia was already willing to reveal only a couple of hours after meeting them.

"Luckily for me," Olivia pursued, "I had a good therapist. And even if I refused to talk during our sessions, he always guessed when my foster family was mistreating me; he'd start an inquiry and ask for my transfer to another home. Sometimes it took a few weeks but he always got me out of bad families."

She drained her whole glass of water before she continued.

"I was thirteen when I landed in Charlie and Bridget Meyer's house. They were a nice couple in their fifties and there were no other kids in the house. They treated me like an equal and with respect; they created a safe place for me in their home that allowed me to heal and grow into the person I am now. I started to talk in therapy and Dr. Williams helped me rebuild my broken identity. The three of them saved my life. Thanks to them I found my path. I want to help other kids like me, kids who had a rough start in life. I want to give them that safe place so they can finally rest, so they can stop looking over their shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop, and so they can start hoping, healing and building."

Silence followed her confession and Rick suddenly understood why his daughter was falling in love with this girl. He understood the pull someone that passionate, someone that confident in herself and _certain_ about her purpose in life could exert (after all, he himself had fallen in love with someone passionate, self-assured and driven...) He looked at Kate and saw that drive, that fire in her eyes that reflected the brazier of her heart. She was watching Olivia with open approbation and in her stare he could see she matched Olivia's passion with her own need to right the wrongs of the world, to bring justice to the oppressed and to rehabilitate the victims. He turned to Alexis then, his beautiful, wise little girl who was as passionate as the other two but who lacked the knowledge of the world and of who she really was to be as purposeful as them. He just hoped that knowledge came without tragedy for her.

She smiled at him – looking so proud of her girlfriend that he had to smile back – and, before the fierce silence could become too solemn, she subtly defused it, lying against Olivia's shoulder and saying:

"Well, before you start saving all of the state's wards, maybe you should start by calling Charlie; make sure he survived his cooking experience…"

Olivia snorted and muttered something like "Boiled-eggs are hardly 'cooking'," but then she seemed to recall something and turned her light grey eyes on him.

"That makes me think, Charlie and Bridge invited Alexis and me to lunch on Sunday, is that okay?"

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><p><strong>AN: I am truly sorry for the long absence but a heartbreaking event got me in a funk. I'd like to thank the reviewers who keep me going from chapter to chapter. I like this story and I will finish it, it's just that sometimes it takes me more time than I like.**


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